Monday, February 18, 2013

A New Approach to Discipline: How to Get Rid of Bad Behavior

There is a prevalent worldview that tells us to fight the bad things.

  • punish the bad behavior
  • give lectures when someone screws up
  • join accountability groups to stop us from relapsing
  • use self control
  • don't do bad things
  • sign pledges/employee contracts saying you won't do certain things
This all seems harmless enough, until you consider that every aspect of this worldview forces us to spend considerable amounts of time thinking on the bad things we will no longer be doing.  

We focus on the behavior we want to control. 

And there is a truth that we can't deny: We become what we behold.  Whatever we spend time thinking on, looking at, is what we will reproduce.

Here's a new idea that I would like to propose.  Instead of focusing on the bad things, what if we used the good to force out the bad?

To get rid of the bad, focus on strengthening the good.

I consider my front lawn, currently a mix of moss and grass.  I have used soap sprays, moss killer, rakes, everything I could think of to kill the moss.  I only want grass.  

I did some research.  The best way to maintain a strong and healthy lawn, is to have the strongest, thickest, healthiest lawn possible.  The denser your grass roots, the thicker the covering, the less space there is for something like moss or weeds or dandelions to force their way in.

An overwhelming presence of the positive, will allow no room for the negative to remain.  
  1. What positive traits can you build up today?
  2. What ways can you encourage the potential in others today?
  3. What ways can you teach others to focus on the good things in life today? 
  4. In work, or in your family, what bad things have you been trying to force out through discipline and lectures? 
  5. And then, how can you force those bad things out by creating an environment where good things flourish?
Get creative in your approach to focusing on the good.  The results may surprise you. 




2 comments:

  1. It really makes a lot of sense, would love to see some studies done with parenting methods that focus on this instead of punishment. See how it works on an experimental basis.

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  2. I agree. Theories are nice, and sound good, but how effective are they in the real world?

    I try very hard to make my theories are practical as possible, but I am very aware that one size does not fit all when it comes to something like parenting.

    Thanks for taking the time to comment Emerald!

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